sexual trauma
trauma-informed sex therapy and sexual trauma therapy for individuals and couples who want healing, safety, and pleasure in their sex lives.
When Sexual Trauma Is Affecting Your Sex Life
You might be here because something happened to you sexually or relationally that changed how you feel in your body, with partners, or with yourself. You may find yourself experiencing anxiety, shutting down, going numb, or repeating patterns that you don’t fully understand. Sexual trauma can manifest in many ways, including:
- Difficulty staying present (feeling spaced out, dissociated, or “watching yourself from the outside” during sex)
- Getting “in your head” during sex and feeling unable to relax or enjoy
- Performance anxiety
- Shutting down or going numb during sex
- Going along with sex you don’t fully want because it feels safer than saying no
- Pain during sex
- Erectile difficulties or erectile dysfunction
- Low or “disappearing” libido
- Anxiously high libido, where sex can feel urgent or compulsive
Maybe people have told you to “move on” or “just relax,” or you’ve felt judged or pathologized by helpers in the past. Here, we don’t see you as broken; we see a nervous system that did its best to survive, and now deserves care.
It’s Not Your Fault
You may have told yourself that you’re “too damaged,” “too sensitive,” “bad at sex,” or that you should be over it by now. You might believe that if you tried harder, loved more, or stopped “overreacting,” things would get better. You may worry that your desire is wrong—too much, too little, or gone entirely. We often blame ourselves when our culture has not taught us how trauma affects our body, sexuality, and relationships; we didn’t understand what was happening, and we haven’t yet had the opportunity to heal in a supportive, informed way.
How Sexual Trauma Lives in the Body and Nervous System
Trauma-informed sex therapy is essential. We view trauma on a spectrum: anything that gets stuck in your nervous system in a way that keeps you from being present with your body, your pleasure, and your relationships.
Sometimes the events are big and obvious, and you can point to a specific moment and say, “It was that.” Other times, the impact comes from repeated, developmental experiences that are harder to name—things that happened over and over, or things that didn’t happen but should have, leaving you with a sense that something is wrong without knowing exactly why.
Sexual and relational trauma can come from many places, including:
- Painful or confusing sexual experiences
- Sexual assault or coercion
- Betrayal trauma in relationships
- Repeated experiences of rejection in childhood or adult relationships
- Religious or cultural messages about sex that created fear, shame, or restriction
- Negative messages about your body that shaped your body image
- Painful experiences related to your gender identity or gender expression
- Living with a chronic illness or condition that impacts your body and sexuality
- Reproductive and medical experiences (fertility challenges, pregnancy loss, traumatic birth, or invasive medical procedures)
- Life stages and transitions that reshape sexuality (such as postpartum, menopause, aging, disability, or surgery)
- Or something else in your story that has left a lasting imprint on your body, sexuality, or sense of self
How We Help You Heal Sexual Trauma and Reclaim Pleasure
In therapy, we move at the pace of your nervous system, building safety first in your body, in the room, and in the relationship. We integrate somatic sex therapy, EMDR, Internal Family Systems, as well as other trauma-informed/somatic approaches. We help you to gently including your body in the healing process so your system can update old patterns, reduce the intensity of traumatic memories, and expand your capacity to feel and enjoy the pleasure that is already there. You’ll learn to regulate your nervous system and stay more present with the pleasure in your body—both what you can offer yourself and what you may need from a partner. You’ll also build concrete skills to talk with your partner about what you’re feeling, what you need, and what does or doesn’t work for you sexually and emotionally, so your “no” is respected and your “yes” has more support, agency, and room for real pleasure.
We offer sexual trauma therapy and trauma-informed sex therapy in Boulder, Colorado, as well as online, for individuals and couples who want more safety, healing, and pleasure in their sex lives.
How Ketamine-Assisted Therapy Can Support Your Healing
For some people, traditional talk therapy alone hasn’t been enough to shift long‑standing patterns of shutdown, anxiety, or disconnection related to sexual trauma. Ketamine‑assisted psychotherapy offers another path. In this work, we combine low‑dose ketamine medicine sessions with thoughtful preparation and integration, so that altered states of awareness become meaningful opportunities for healing—not just “experiences” you have and then leave behind.
Within a supportive therapeutic container, ketamine can help soften rigid defenses, reduce the grip of shame, and create more space around painful memories and body sensations. We move slowly and collaboratively, helping you translate what arises in ketamine sessions into real‑world changes in your relationship with your body, your sexuality, and your connections with others. Ketamine is not a quick fix, but for many people it becomes a powerful catalyst inside a broader, trauma‑informed, pleasure‑focused healing process. Click here for more information on ketamine therapy.
Feeling Empowered, Playful, and Connected in Sex Again
Our approach is designed to help you feel more at home in your body and more certain about what feels good, what doesn’t, and what you’re genuinely available for. Sex can move from feeling like pressure or stress to being play—rooted in playfulness and co‑creativity. You build real confidence in your ability to move through vulnerable or charged situations, with fewer triggers running the show. And when triggers do arise, you have practical tools to care for yourself and to navigate them together with your partner, so those moments become opportunities for repair, understanding, and closeness instead of shutdown or disconnection. We are here to support you in reclaiming a sense of empowerment and expanding your capacity for authentic, embodied pleasure in your relationship and sex life.
