The Necessity for Anchoring
Welcome, loving partners, to the ocean of relational life. It’s a grand sea, filled with beautiful sunsets, but also, inevitably, some turbulent storms. As with the experienced sailor, couples must learn how to both navigate smooth waters and weather the storms that will undoubtedly occur. This is where couples therapy, your navigational chart, comes into play.
1. Create Shared Goals
Before setting out to sea, a sailor must have a destination, a shared vision of where they’re going. Similarly, as a couple, you must decide on your shared goals. We often ask couples to consider this question: if you could wave a magic wand and change something in your relationship, what would it be? The response is almost always, “better communication.”
That’s a great start, but what does “better communication” look like? Do you wish to carve out daily moments to check in emotionally? Would you prefer discussions that transcend mundane tasks and instead focus on deep emotional or intellectual connection?
Similarly, the concept of ‘conflict’ needs to be examined. A world without conflict is a utopia that, frankly, doesn’t exist. The objective should not be to avoid conflict but to manage it healthily. Ask yourself, how will conflicts be different once we achieve our goal?
And let’s not forget the intimate facet of relationships—your sex life. Whether you desire more frequent encounters, sensual or kinky experiences, or aim to address a mismatch in libido, specificity is key.
2. Committing to the Process
Once you have your navigational chart in hand, the next step is to commit to the journey. We recommend starting with weekly or bi-weekly sessions. This frequency allows you enough space to implement changes while staying closely guided by your therapist.
However, don’t expect to reach your destination in a day. The first one or two sessions are akin to dipping your toes in the water—you get a feel of the therapist and the process. Commit to at least 10 sessions; many couples find this period sufficient for incredible breakthroughs. However, your journey might be longer or shorter depending on your unique relationship goals.
3. Maintain an Attitude of Openness and Focus on Your Own Insights and Growth
In a boat, if one person is paddling and the other is drilling a hole, you’re bound to sink. Couples therapy is not about changing your partner, but about understanding your role in the relationship dynamic and making constructive changes. An attitude of openness is your North Star in this exploration.
While it’s easy to point fingers in a turbulent sea, it’s much more productive to hold up a mirror. The therapy room is a space where you can delve deep into your self, understanding your insecurities, fears, and dreams. As you gain insights into your own behavior, it becomes easier to understand your partner’s actions and reactions, bringing about a meaningful shift in your relationship dynamics.
In summary, couples therapy is not just for relationships in crisis; it is preventive maintenance for your emotional and relational wellbeing. It’s a space to create shared goals, a place that requires unwavering commitment, and above all, an environment that fosters individual growth for collective harmony. Your relationship is the ship that you’re both sailing. Whether you’re in calm waters or navigating through a storm, remember, you’re in this together.
If you’re ready to set sail towards a better relational life, consider scheduling a free consultation with us. We’re here to help you navigate through both calm and rough seas. Safe travels!
